Sunday, March 15, 2009

OK, here's the long story

It's been a month since the last time I post already?

Time really goes quickly.

Sorry for those who wanted to see my new posts.

Anyway, I'm here to do what I promised.

The long story.

Let's start from my 6th grade.

I got a very good friend, I was impressed by his wide range of knowledge, and we stick together a lot, since we live in the same neighbourhood. We were both top students in the class, both the teachers' favourite. Sadly, he turned...... is it evil or bad? Hanging around with gang members in the school, smoking, running away from school, and so on. Obviously, he became teachers' favourite no more, but since I didn't change, I still remain the same position. Drowned by envy, he forced me to behave worse than I had been, with violence. I had a previous memory when I was in kindergarten that I fought a classmate and went over rage and ended in biting flesh off his nose. Being aware what I could do when I'm involved into fights, I didn't fight back, not even once. I obeyed, hoping for minimum damage inflicted on me. That's when I stopped trusting human, the whole specie. Ironically lucky, this happened on my 9th grade, I only suffered that life for a year. But due to my worse behavior, such as doing less homework than what I was supposed to(this became habitat, and still haunts me), and intentionally score low, I did a really awful job in the high school entering exam, ending up in a vocational school, which provides worse education than normal high schools.

So I went to this worse school, with my distrust to mankind. I stopped socializing, reducing the amount of conversation to minimum, hoping not to repeat what happened in my middle school. It worked extremely well, but it also blocked anyone from getting near me, since I would mostly not respond. I was pretty happy that I won't be betrayed like last time at first, but soon I begin to feel extremely lonely. I started to want to talk to someone, to exchange thoughts, but finding it impossibly difficult. Because of my previous attitude, and the way of getting along with others, I seemed to forget how to communicate. Trapped in the lonely hell I created for myself, I felt desperation. Every story has a turning point, mine happened at a party held by our class teacher. As usual, I stuffed myself at the quiet corner, but hoping someone would come. Apparently, everyone was happy enough not to see me in my corner. I took a sip of drink, tried to get myself drunk (well, being drunk is mainly a mental status, so it can be manipulated intentionally, I think). At that moment, a voice I wouldn't forget for years appeared:"Why don't you join us?" She was there, right under a light bulb. From that moment on, I strongly dought the saying of :"angels are good-looking", because she's not. I thought I saw an angel. "I, eh, I don't know how." It's already hard for me to talk to girls because of my characteristic, and the lack of communicating skill at that time made it even worse. "You just didn't try, come on." A soft, but frim grab, lead me to the crowd. It's not common that Chinese have body contact with each other, especially when it comes to different genders. From that day on, she became my best friend, and there's a sense of something, either love or gratefulness.

1 comment:

  1. This was a very interesting story - from what I know of you, I find it so hard to imagine you having those problems. But it is wonderful that you opened yourself up to help from someone. Those are the true turning points in our lives.